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18 October 2005 ♥
in e past.. i use to think im branded.. im proud to everything around mi.. showing attitude to every single individual.. even when it comes to choosing my frenz.. i choose those whom in my criteria is fit to be my frenz.. i think tat im welcome by all frenz.. just because im presented by a smile when i saw them.. aint i stupid? i nv noe e meaning of nv judge a book by its cover.. nw do i noe.. in e gals world,its not lidat.. for gals.. they just dislike gals without any reasons.. just because in their opinion..they r xia lan.. oki la.. wadever la.. im also a gal.. im in no opinion to say these things.. yuki said im harsh.. to ppl.. its lyk.. i dun gif dem any yu di when they offended mi..come to think of this.. oki.. im reminded of this incident.. there was once when mi n crystal quarrelled with a gal.. n im e one scolding her.. so i scold her lor.. scold scold scold.. den e gal storm off in e end.. n crystal told mi smth tat strikes mi noe.. she said *moon,u really went overboard* n den i kept quiet..of cuz i noe tat i went overboard.. but i just cnt control.. whenever im offended.. i just say wadever things tat comes to my mind tat i noe will hurt tat person right... alot of ppl told mi..tat i am cold blooded.. i dun spare a tot for others.. i noe i am lidat..but.. aiya.. theres smth.. WJ told mi.. tat make mi so touched.. once.. we were out as usual.. n he can see tat i am down.. den suddenly.. he hold mi n told mi *moon,in front of ur parents,u gotta act as if u r a obedient gal,nodding to everything they say,in front of ur frenz,u gotta act as if u hack care everything when u cnt at all,in front of ur bf n e guy u like,u gotta gif ur most precious attutide to them,bt in front of mi,u just gotta be urself..* for e lst time in my life.. i tot to myself.. how come all this while he is only a fren in my eyes.. 11 yrs.. lst time i wondered.. but.. but.. i noe its too late ler.. so i pull myself away frm his gaze.. n refrain myself frm thinking any further...i noe tat.. Wj is still e one tat is sweetest to mi.. in front of all my frenz.. i act as if i can hack care everything.. i dun gif a damn to everything.. but i have feelings de noe.. just tat i dun wanna show it out.. cuz i dun wanna get hurt.. my principle in life.. *sometimes when u care for a person too much,all u get is disappointment,i rather b happy with wad i have now* selfish uh? but.. i have been betrayed by too many times ler.. trusted them so much.. love them so much.. in e end.. wad did i get.. all lies.. sometimes.. i do regret.. im wondering.. m i the one who ruin this friendship..afterall.. u r my bestest fren in mjr.. despite all e hatred i have for u.. in my hrt.. u still my fren.. ppl say.. they dunno wad am i thinking.. im a vicious gal.. ok.. i admit.. but.. all thanks to e surroundings.. the ppl i met.. the pain they inflicted on mi.. i dun wanna get all e love i deserve..if a person can make mi care for him.. it means tat he can hurt mi.. everythings he does.. my emotion is totally controlled by him.. i dun wan it this way.. i only trusted money.. with money.. i can lead e kind of life i wan.. be e kind of person i wan.. oki.. all my frenz.. including WJ.. told mi tat hes not worth it..whenever hes down.. he look for mi.. im always there.. always there for mi.. or maybe i think too highly of myself.. he dun even nid mi all this while.. im only a tool for him to vent his frustrations when hes down.. however.. when i nid him.. his fone is always quiet.. always quiet.. when i needed him.. i dunno where e hell he is.. he is e one who make mi trust no one.. no one at all.. i only trust myself.. cuz.. im e only one tat wun hurt myself... when hes down.. he run to mi.. he noes how much he meant to mi.. but he can just hack care.. ignoring my feelings.. u noe when does he look for mi.. when he wanna smoke.. mayb im his smoking buddy.. oh no no.. its cigar supplier..boy ah.. all these yrs i noe u.. u r always searchin.. searchin for e things u wan.. u nv noe how to turn back n look.. if u nv turn back n look.. u will nv noe who r e ones u hurt.. who r e ones u lose.. u can just ignore mi when u decide tat its her.. ignoring mi when u have smth in mind.. im only remembered when u r down.. but mi? have u ever ponder over how i treated u? all the while when u have other gals in ur arms.. i nv bothered u.. i noe u r happy.. but when u r down.. u came to mi.. im always there.. i nv ignore u despite all e things u do to mi.. despite all e pain u inflicted on mi.. u noe smth? u r worst den a fren.. im really disappointed u noe.. however.. i cnt bring myself to ignore u.. time n agn.. i told myself not to ans ur call.. but agn n agn.. i do so.. u noe why? i dun wan u to be alone when u needed someone.. i noe e feeling.. well.. u taught mi smth though.. i learn smth.. in this world.. i cnt trust anyone.. i dun wan any fucking love n care anymore.. i just wan myself.. i wun gif a fucking damn to wad ppl says abt mi.. im a bitch.. im vicious.. i wun try to change ppl opinion of mi.. i admit i am lidat.. i noe i cnt take back my care i have for u immediately.. but i will.. i will ok.. i wun ever trust u agn.. u can ignore my feelings for all u care.. i am not gonna sacrifice anymore.. i wan u to get out of my life.. my memories.. i noe tat with ur memories.. i will only suffer.. i wun let a guy tat wun shed a tear for mi to hurt mi.. i noe.. for myself to get protected.. i cnt trust anyone too easily..
you are the only reason for my precious smile ♥
17 October 2005 ♥
went bugis with yuki last wk.. cant rmb exactly which day..bot 2 tops.. sucha nice ones.. i love it so much man.. oki.. den went bugis agn with mel today.. bot a bag,necklane n the bysi top.. satisfied le.. mel bot a dress.. a white simple dress.. $69.60.. omg.. i wun bear to buy.. its lyk.. just this much money for a dress..but it definitely look nice on my darling.. n it is enuff..bot a few halter top for yuki.. mayb givin it to her tml.. if im mitin her.. oki.. i think tts all la.. n oh.. im going cambodia.. have so much things to buy.. my whitening cream.. my sunblock.. omfg.. so many damn things.. saw tortoise in sch e other day.. he fat ler.. for 4kg u noe?? can u imagine? its only like.. less den 2 mths loh.. but its ok la.. wahha.. nt fat untill v clumsy can ler.. he still looks gd.. still my dearest buddy..
you are the only reason for my precious smile ♥
06 October 2005 ♥
we grew up together.. been the best of frenz for 11 yrs.. i nv told anyone abt u..only because i wan this friendship of ours to be eternally.. u were always beside mi whenever i am down.. only u tolerate all my nonsense.. my screamings n shouting.. u were always my punching bag.. the only one who treat mi so dearly.. u were with mi on my lst breakup.. u r the only one n i mean only one tat i pour all my feelings to u.. the only one guy tat treated mi the best.. u were always always there for mi when i need u.. on the day i throw up due to excess cigar.. u r the one who tc of mi.. showering mi with all e care i need.. u r also e only one tat i will break down in front of.. when i finally told u my sorrows tat day.. u hug mi n ensure mi tat everthing will be fine.. with u around.. all the days when we spend fooling around.. u were my only childhood fren.. the dearest guy to mi.. truly.. u nv fail to be by my side whenever i need u.. n i mean nv.. one fone call frm mi n u rush down despite all e work in ur hand.. seriously.. its my greatest fortune to have u as my fren.. my buddy.. my best fren ever.. i wanted to let the whole world noe i ahve such a wonderful fren like u.. i nv ever mention u to any of my fren.. WJ.. u r still e dearest to mi at tat very day.. we were at changi beach as usual.. n i am the usual mi.. fooling around n chattering like nobodys business.. its only when u mention his name.. tat i stop.. n told u not to carry on..but being e usual u.. u wanted mi to pour out all my feelings.. in order for mi to feel better.. i noe ur intention.. but i really dun wish to talk abt it.. however.. u succeed in making mi confess.. its true.. like wad u said.. i am always with him when he needs mi.. but he was nv there when i needed him.. i called him.. theres no ans.. upon mentioning him.. i break down agn.. as usual.. u noe tat my weakest point is hearing his name.. n u noe tat i have been suppressing my feelings for ages.. n so u wanted mi to vent it all out..u r still e sweetest to mi.. i was there crying all the way.. when u suddenly told mi *peizhen,i love u* it was only den tat i stop crying.. ponder for a while.. n look at u deep in e eyes.. u said this to mi zillion times.. but this time.. i can sense it.. its diff.. but.. i can only tell u.. *im sorry* i cnt return ur feelings.. but still.. u wipe away my tears n told mi u will always be there.. it was only den tat i cry even harder.. aft tat day.. u still treat mi so damn gd.. as if nth happen.. although i hurt u.. im sorry.. truly sorry..
you are the only reason for my precious smile ♥
05 October 2005 ♥
taka & wisma on mon with mel.. wanted to go sch der.. but in e end decided not to lah.. its like.. so boring leh..oki.. mit her at her hse.. took train lor.. oki.. two weeks nv see her become pretty ler.. still my bubbly gal... oki.. as usual.. do some catching up.. n her reaction was like.. still so funny lor.. ok.. she bot purple eye shadow.. if im not wrong la.. she can actually walk to taka den back to wisma den taka agn just to decide on e purple eyeshadow.. ok.. n oh ya.. she was so damn excited when i told her abt e makeup course we might be attending..wait for mi la darling.. aft i finish exam will go with u der..i promise k..n i bot some pen n a puma pencil box.. she was like.. keep mumbling to mi its a waste of money to buy such things.. uh.. darling.. study la.. haiz..ok..anw.. went to her aft tat.. took 3 pics.. oki.. i decided to put everything behind mi when u told mi tat u wanted to be frenz.. skys my fren.. standing beside him looking at him being bullied by e gal he love so much.. telling mi how sad he is.. pouring all his feelings to mi... u think i will feel nth?? just because i am his ex n u r so agitated by wad i wrote.. wad is e fucking prob with u?? aiyo.. fancy msg mi n ask mi who i referring to in his testi.. wad is ur prob? wad do u wan? dunno whos e one unhappy abt e past lor.. still have e cheek to say i have motive for befriending u.. who is e one calling mi saying want to b frenz.. now become mi plotting.. since u r so damn confident tat he will erase it.. go ahead man.. u think i will be scare of u? u r e one treating him this way der.. like u say.. i dunno whats happening between u n him rite... wad he told mi of cuz i believe lor.. we been frenz so long le leh.. n u claim u understand him more den mi.. den let it be lor.. u understand him more den i do but u hurt him so damn much.. since u said the two of u r officially noe as frenz now.. den wad for u bother wad i write.. so worried i writing abt u ah.. the whole world must like u issit..u wanted the whole world to see u as a princess n cnt let ppl say bad things abt u huh.. i wanted to drop e matter de lor.. but u kpkb msg mi n say so much things.. yuki told mi to beware of ur feelings.. not to be too guo fen.. she told mi gals have pride.. n i respected u by not having personal attack.. but look wad u done.. push mi to my limits n i will do wadever comes to my mind.. u can go n complain to sky for all u wan.. i dun care.. everytime have prob cuz of sky.. its not like we r fighting over him.. u so fucking sensitive for wad sia..pls my ass la.. since u r so confident tat sky wun have another gal other den u.. den go ahead n beg him to come back to u.. even sky told mi not to be too carried away with u.. n i did tat.. but i wondering whether im wrong to treat u with respect when u treat mi lidat.. beware.. i nv use e word bitch on u.. i nv use slut on u.. when i noe tat the two of u quarrelled because of my profile.. i deleted right away.. n mind u gal.. i do it for sky.. not for u.. i seriously feel tat he can find a better gal.. n i nv said sky treat mi as his best fren.. so wad he dun treat mi as his best fren... we noe each other so long le naturally we will have e bond.. at least when he have prob with u he look for mi.. it means he treat mi as his fren.. n oh ya.. i tot u very a sai wan.. saying so toughly n confidently tat u wun ever regret brking with him.. n he accepted it.. but who is e one tat wanted to patch huh.. aiya.. i shldnt interfere so much la.. now i noe tat the day u wanted to be frenz with mi.. u do it for a reason.. all my frenz told mi not to believe u.. to beware of u.. but i believe u.. cuz sky told mi he is in a very diff position if we keep quarrelling.. n i choose to believe u wanted to be frenz with mi.. but wad e hell.. when u told mi abt how he treat u.. i did go n talk to him.. told mi to treat u better.. but end up i become a bitch.. a gossiper in ur hrt.. whatever la.. go n beg him lor.. since u wan him back mar.. take la my advice la.. dun be over confident la.. or maybe u gan jeong cuz u noe hes aft another gal.. u think he love u so much damn den he will grief over the loss over u.. yup.. no doubt he really love u.. but sometimes the person is gone forever when u turn ur back on them..he still argeed to be frenz with u despite all e hurting words u say to him.. i truly salute him man.. since u claim u noe him so well.. why din u noe tat he will get over u fast n target another gal? if u really noe him well.. u would have noe it.. but obviously u dunno.. cuz u r so damn gan jeong when u heard tat he is aft another gal n wanted patch straight away..u noe wad is this call? this is mei you gu qi.. wahhaha.. whatever la.. fancy screaming loud at him n say u wun even regret brking with him.. but look wad happen.. aiya.. To Yuki : darling,i said rite.. whatever we predict is so rite man.. wahhha.. throw gals face hor.. haiz.. whatever.. msg mi when free ah.. Last words to u hor.. i did my part by not being so guo fen with u.. u dun push mi to my limits ah.. u will regret lor.. aiya.. but u will say u will not regret la hor.. come n try den..